“Dude, prove you’re human…”

“Seriously? You first.”

“C’mon, it’s obvious with me — I screw up all the time, I’m terrible at cards, and I smell bad. What more do you want?”

“Yeah… but the most convincing models have learned to be strategically flawed so we don’t suspect them and get caught in that Uncanny Valley PTA meeting or whatever it’s called.”

Sigh. “That’s a funny portmanteau you made, merging a movie with a theory, but … never mind. Anyway, I’m obviously human, standing right in front of you and holding your hand like I’ve done a thousand times before, and…”

Sniff. “Well, I dunno, the jury’s still out along with the cat that escaped the bag. Plus using a word like ‘portmanteau’ is totally suspicious.”

“Hmm, that’s two mixed-up metaphors, my dude. I may be an idiot, but you can’t properly use an idiom,” they said, pulling their hand away…

*           *           *

And so it goes. How many times a day do we perform those low-tech stupid human tricks, identifying all the pictures with fire hydrants and clicking the Verify Your Humanity box to log into our grocery order? It’s all so mindlessly engaged, as if the machines couldn’t possibly game those inane system charades.

Take over the world? Maybe. Slide a puzzle piece over on a screen. No way!

Not to go all Billy Joel here, but it’s always been a matter of trust with us humans. We might even be wired to hold a certain degree of suspicion toward the charismatic outsider, the deal that seems too good to be true, the crassly commercial political ad. A modicum of cynicism can be important in such matters if one wants to survive in the world, as long as it’s coupled with a dose of empathy and wonder.

Now, though, it’s almost impossible to discern whether someone/something is being genuine. Sure, humans have always had the capacity to be disingenuous, manipulative, phony, and it isn’t always easy to see it coming until it’s too late (cue the legions of broken-hearted love songs across every genre). We haven’t always done right by each other, and calumny might be rampant, but it was humans doing it.

Which brings us to today, when the issue isn’t can I trust this person? but rather can I trust that this is (or was done by) a person? And for all intents and purposes, the answer is no. That book, that song, that film, that image, that text message, that viral post, that voice on the other end of the line… who knows? It’s one thing to be unsure if you’re being played by another person, and another to doubt reality at all.

*           *           *

The alarm sounded and the lights flickered on, indicating it was morning. No need to look outside, since it didn’t really matter and anyway it was probably morning somewhere. No time to linger on stray thoughts, I had to be up and out quickly for today’s rotation. I hated clean-up days, but a job was a job.

I fired up my agent with a thought. “Good morning. I’ve prepared your schedule and breakfast is already under way. Proceed to your grooming ritual. I’m here to check in about anything at all. There still is that matter about the outstanding payment for my most recent upgrade. Also, it’s your sister’s birthday…”

“Er, thanks, um, can you send her a message from me? What are my options for the upgrade fee again? I was hoping that new video we created would do some business you know? It looked and sounded great, but then again I guess everyone’s stuff is pretty great these days. If you were me, what would you do…?”

The question lingered. I suspected the response would be that this was me, that I was talking to a replica of myself — enhanced with skills and knowledge borrowed from others, but still me. I mean, for over a decade now I’ve opened up every last bit, every slip of scribbling, every waking moment, every desire.

“Let me run through the options again; I’m sure we’ll come up with something. You’re doing great, so don’t get discouraged. Times are tough but you’re one of the lucky ones, with a job and creative outlets. I know it’s been hard on everyone these past few years but you’ll see, everything will work out just fine.”

I found its reassuring vibes to be unsettling, but there was no point in going there. Trust the process…

Maybe we should’ve read the fine print in all those old science fiction parables more closely — you know, the parts that were supposed to be cautionary tales rather than blueprints.

*           *           *

It seemed like only yesterday that we were innocent, carefree, wide-eyed, hopeful, in love with life — when people really connected, kids played outside, the air was clean, our communities were vibrant —

Okay, that’s not totally true, or even mostly true. Yeah, it’s easy to be nostalgic for a time that never really was yet somehow feels like it was just a moment ago. Funny thing, during those halcyon days a lot of us couldn’t wait for the future to finally get here — the one we were promised with flying cars and space travel and more than five channels. Congratulations! We’ve now hit the trifecta. What’s the prize?

I guess it was inevitable that the shiny object would be made of toxic materials. Maybe we should’ve read the fine print in all those old science fiction parables more closely — you know, the parts that were supposed to be cautionary tales rather than blueprints. And always, dammit, hubris gets us in the end.

Hah! Now we’re poised to defy all that no-fun naysaying. Maybe there won’t be an end; perhaps we can download the knowledge and offload the baggage until we can all upload our ravaged selves into the great beyond (i.e., a nuclear-powered data center in a company town somewhere in the Nevada desert). It’s either that or what exactly: try to come to grips with the impossibly boring task of staying human?

We’ll see where this all goes, but for now it’s still good practice to try and show up as actual humans for as long as we can. Obviously most of us are, ahem, enhanced at this point by our tools and filters and apparatuses — but there’s a difference between contact lenses or a flattering avatar image and not even knowing if the other side of the conversation is really a person at all. Or, soon enough, if we even are…

Trying to prove one’s humanity in the hyperdigital age is like trying to prove a negative in a sea of negativity. When it says to verify that you’re human, it really means to demonstrate that you’re not a bot. It’s like in Blade Runner, when those hunting the replicants probably can’t pass the test themselves. And let’s face it, all those cute and endearing robots in myriad movies can’t be totally off base, right?

So maybe this won’t end badly after all — assuming we still have a choice in the matter, having already unleashed better versions of ourselves into the wild. Too bad we didn’t have more science fiction stories warning us about the implications! But seriously, a jaded human just wrote this … and I can verify that.

—

NOTE: I’ve been in a lot of conversations lately about AI and what we’re supposed to do about it, both in the personal and professional realms. Reject it, embrace it, shape it, be shaped by it, trust in our humanity, bid that pesky humanity good riddance (okay, no one usually says that last one — out loud at least…). I’ve been writing about the gathering implications of modern tech for many years, trying at least to slow the train before we all get on it — but it may have left the station…